With so many people around you that always seem to have a friend, it’s hard not to notice when you’re obviously alone. But does this mean it’s okay to not have friends even when everyone tells you to?
Absolutely. Having no friends is not the end of the world. Many people will go through a period of their life without any friends but it’s better to have no friends than have fake and toxic friends. However, if you are known to feel excessively lonely and do want to be friends with someone on a continuous basis, then finding a good friend may be just what you need.
There are many outlooks to having no friends in your life right now and it can be healing in many ways. However, there are a few factors that you should be aware of that may jeopardize your future potential friendships.
Here’s everything you need to know:
Why It’s Ok Not To Have Friends
Now that you have a good idea as to why you may not have friends, let’s take a look at the reasons why it’s not the end of the world:
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
No, you’re not broken.
No, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Yes, you just haven’t met the right friends for you.
Not having any friends isn’t the end of the world but what really gets to us is the fear of missing out. Here are plenty of ways to be happy and have fun on your own and it’s not necessary to depend on other people for your happiness.
You will feel lonely from time to time but otherwise, you’ll generally feel completely fine with or without any friends.
If you do feel pressured or scared that there aren’t any close friends by your side, just know that you can make new friends if you try.
Having no friends is not a reflection of who you are. So, never make it part of your identity.
Being Alone Is Good
The idea of being alone is scarier than actually being alone. You think the worst could happen and you might even project these feelings that you are completely alone because you have no friends but the truth is, if you are happy with what you do, you’re pretty much complete.
There are plenty of ways having no friends could be good for you. When you’re coming out of a toxic friendship or trying to heal from past issues, having this time that you spend solely on yourself gives you the chance to heal from it.
You can also find new things to be passionate about like finding different hobbies or even volunteering your time to help others which is a very rewarding activity.
When you are passionate about the right things and appreciate you for who you are, it’s possible to naturally attract people who see this good and want to be friends with you.
How often did you rely on your friends to advise you or help you make choices for you?
Having no friends may no longer give you this opportunity to discuss your feelings with them but you are capable of sorting through your issues without needing any assistance from anyone else.
Since there aren’t any friends to depend on, you just have to believe and know that you can and don’t need anyone to solve your problems.
Being independent is good but friends aren’t the only people you can turn to when you need help. Turn to a close relative or someone you can trust that will hear you and help you if you really do need someone to talk too.
Cons of Having No Friends
Even though it’s completely okay to have no friends, you will have those bad days when you really feel it. However, when you’ve been friendless for a long time, there are a few things you need to be aware off:
Beware of Jealousy
Jealousy and envy are two emotions you could possibly feel when you see other people who are in close friendships are having fun at a mall or social gathering.
You may even start to pity yourself and find issues with yourself eventually leading you to feel sad, angry, and extremely lonely.
It’s important to not let your jealousy get to you because if you do want friends in your life, you can put yourself out there and find new friends.
But never try to be in a friendship just for the sake of it or to show others that you have friends.
If you are genuinely lonely and need company or you really want to have a close friendship, make the decision to find someone that you share the same interests with.
Don’t Scare Off Potential Friends
Another possibility you have to be aware of is your body language.
There might have been a few people that really wanted to be friends with you but because of the messages that you are sending out, people can tell when someone doesn’t want to be friends with them.
Just because you don’t have any friends right now, don’t stop yourself from having friends in the future because someone out there will want to be your friend. Give yourself the opportunity to try again and give a new friendship a fresh chance.
Reasons Why You May Not Have Friends:
Before we go into things, there might be a few questions as to why you don’t have any friends and these might help you figure out the reasons why.
You might relate to a few or not, but it could be helpful in discovering new ways to overcome these problems if you do decide you want to have a friend in your life:
1. No friendship skills
It’s not as easy to make new friends where you instantly connect with someone and you’re friends for life. It may happen in some cases but sometimes a real friendship needs time and a buildup where you might need to put in some action to get a new friend.
You may not know how to communicate correctly by asking relevant questions or know how to share without monopolizing a conversation. By learning friendship skills, it will be easier for you to have long-lasting friendships.
2. You’re quiet or super shy
Although many quiet and shy people like their own company, there are times when we love having a friend around.
But being shy and not able to start up a conversation with others makes it hard to form a new friendship and sometimes, others may have the wrong interpretation of you by thinking you are uninterested in them or you don’t want to be friends with them.
3. You’re moody
I get it, we all have those bad days but when your friends notice that you aren’t in the mood to hang out with them often, they may feel like you’re the one who doesn’t like them.
When you’re moody quite often, even you don’t feel like having anyone around which could be a reason why you and your friends are distanced from each other.
It’s best to enjoy your time apart from them to really appreciate the time you did have with them. This will make you realize whether you liked having friends or not.
4. Low Self-esteem
When you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and putting yourself down for when things don’t go right in your life or feel like you aren’t good enough to be friends with anyone, this can stand in your way of making new friends.
Also, feeling like you aren’t worth being friends with will continue to sabotage your potential of having friends.
You may want to try meditating, listening to motivational talks, practicing self-love, and knowing your worth before trying to be friends with anyone.
5. By Choice
Being alone is a choice in certain cases. When the opportunity presents itself, you may feel like walking away and I will admit that I’m guilty of doing this (a few times).
This isn’t a bad thing as such but it does increase the risk of losing the opportunity to get to know someone great.
However, having time to yourself and learning to love who you are and what you do can be really refreshing (especially if you’re coming from a toxic or fake friendship).
Friendship is time-consuming and fun, yes, but being alone by choice is pretty great too.
6. You’re scared of rejection
Finding new friends is challenging and scary. You don’t know whether they will want to be friends with you or you might be afraid of past friendships that were a mess.
Going through those feelings all over again is not easy and this may be standing in your way of having friends.
However, if you really do want to have a friend in your life, overcoming this hurdle will be the first thing you need to do even if it doesn’t go the way you want it to.
How To Make New Friends
I recently discussed the best ways to make a friend that is incredibly helpful to know the different ways you can use but to recap quickly, here are a few main points:
- Try investing your time in new hobbies that require you to join clubs and meetups.
- Volunteer at places that mean something to you and you will meet people who share the same passions
- Talk to new people and invite them out to eat
- BE authentic and show your real self rather than trying to pretend to be someone you’re not
- Only friend people who you are really interested in getting to know
- Sign up for an app that allows you to friend others
- Don’t be disappointed if the person you want to be friends with doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings
- Keeping trying and put yourself out there
Focus on You
Obsessing about having no friends in your life will only make you feel worse about yourself and does not benefit you in any way.
If your goals is to feel sorry for yourself, then torturing yourself and feeling miserable about having no friends will be the way to go but I really recommend you to stay away from this path as much as possible.
Becoming friends with someone takes time and it’s necessary to make sure you get to know someone and figure out if you guys share the same interests rather than only being in a friendship because it’s convenient.
If you find someone you really get along with, that’s great! If you don’t, then that’s totally fine too.
At the end of the day, having no friends will never be a big deal unless you make it out to be.