You had a fall out with your friend over something, you thought that once things cooled down, everything would be okay. But, it isn’t. Perhaps weeks have gone by and now you’re lost for words trying to understand why my friend won’t talk to me after a fight.
Evidently, your friend is still upset and angry. They’re keeping a distance from you to either prove a point, to punish you or to make you chase after them.
More often than not, this is classified as unhealthy behavior. It’s also indicative of low maturity or an inability to compromise and find a middle ground.
Either way, you only have two options, find a way to address the issue and open your friend up or let them be and wait them out.
You can choose one or the other. But, very often, if the first option fails then you’re forced to utilize the second option.
Why?
Because at the end of the day, you really can’t force someone to miss you or desire reconciliation.
I see things this way – if you’ve done nothing to break your friend’s trust or to maliciously hurt them, there should always be room for making up.
A true friend who actually values your presence in their life will, at the very least, be communicative after they’ve had time to calm down.
Be that as it may, let’s talk in detail about why your friend won’t talk to you after a fight and what you can do about it.
Related post: Why is my friend ignoring my texts?
1. Your friend is still upset, angry or hurt
Until your friend is over the entire issue, it’s possible that he or she won’t talk to you, especially if there was a ton of back and forth arguing which led to this point.
Some people deal with anger and pain differently than you. They probably can’t work through those emotions unless they have some time away from you.
Obviously, your intervention may help, especially by apologizing or taking the initiative to reinitiate a conversation. But, depending on the severity of the situation, there’s really no telling whether your friend needs a few days to get over how they’re feeling or much longer.
2. They need time to work things out for themselves
Building on the above, people who need time away to work through stuff cannot be bombarded with constant feedback and contact by that specific person.
It just ends up adding fuel to the fire.
If the argument, issue or disagreement occurred super recently, it may just be too soon to get back to normal and your friend needs more time to work stuff out.
I have a friend who is in a relationship and whenever he has a fight with his partner, she will simply not give him any space away until they have talked through every single thought or feeling.
This could be good if applied correctly but she’ll insist on doing this even if they still haven’t reached a compromise or gotten over how they feel.
Instead of making up, they end up fighting more and saying more ridiculous stuff to each other.
Why?
Because she’s not willing to give either of them some time away from each other to reflect and get over whatever is bothering them.
3. They are punishing you
I consider this to be the least productive and helpful reason why your friend isn’t talking to you after a fight.
Unless you crossed the line in a terrible way and deserve to be taught a lesson, this is not helpful or mature.
Friendships are meant to be relationships that bring joy, comfort and support to your life.
Being ignored without any justifiable reason is horrible and the sign of a passive-aggressive friend who is not mature or compassionate.
Related post: How do fake friends act?
4. They have communication issues
Communication is a skill.
There are tools for communicating in an effective, sympathetic and productive manner but not everyone has mastery over them.
Sometimes, you may be dealing with a friend who is still emotional after a fight and they continue to be that way because they don’t know how to express themselves.
Instead of trying, they may opt to do the opposite and just shut down until the entire thing just blows over with time.
5. Your friend is waiting for an apology from you
In the event that you are more in the wrong than your friend or if you have failed to take ownership of your role in the fight, your friend might be staying away from you until they get an apology.
Their silence is not to punish you. It’s to determine whether you care enough to consider their feelings and to make an effort to fix things.
You’d be surprised how quickly a good friend can forgive you after rendering a sincere and genuine apology.
How to talk to your friend after a fight
Here’s what I suggest, try setting aside your differences for a moment and engage your friend on a normal basis.
Shoot them a text to find out how they’re doing or about something they are passionate about.
If they respond, you can use their reply to gage whether they are willing to make up or if they’re still upset.
If you get no response at all and your calls are even ignored, then you may want to consider apologizing.
I will say this, apologize if you’re wrong or for your share of the fault but never apologize for defending your beliefs in a respectful manner or for what’s right.
When giving an apology, you want it to be sincere and clear. Here’s what a good apology looks like.
“Hey X, I just want to say that I’m very sorry for my actions or role in our fight. I shouldn’t have acted that way. It was rude and disrespectful. I’m sorry and I hope we can hangout soon because I miss you.”
What I like about this apology is that it’s very clear on both the apology itself and in describing your mistakes. It’s also worded quite positively which lightens the mood a bit.
Once you’ve texted this apology or called, the ball is in your friend’s court.
You’ve done whatever was needed to make up. You swallowed your pride and made an effort to fix things.
Your friend needs to meet your halfway for this friendship to work and last a long time.
Before concluding this article, let me share a story with you.
An old friend of mine suddenly started acting weird with me. When I reached out on multiple occasions, all I got back was cold replies.
I tried addressing the issue and apologizing on a number of occasions. There were instances when I received some rude and harsh replies. Why? Because I was not texting back often enough in the past.
Whether this warranted to be treated poorly is up for debate. But, I realized that I had done everything possible to save the friendship. Instead of chasing and begging, I decided to maintain my self-respect and walk away.
It dawned on me that none of the other people in my life who matter would act this way.
They wouldn’t say the things that were said either.
So, I made a decision and stuck with it. Needless to say, I stopped trying altogether for a long time and this friend eventually came back acting as if nothing had ever happened.
I thought about addressing it but realized that the act of walking away sent a very strong and clear message.
And I knew that I was a good friend. So, I had no regrets in the end. Whether that friend came back or not, I had done enough to find peace with whatever outcome ensued.
Just know that the people who truly want to be in your life won’t leave.
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