Why is my friend avoiding me? That was a question I received recently via email and I thought that it would make for an interesting topic to discuss.
The sharp frantic pace of most of our human lives is a frenzy as we rush around daily trying to keep time to the hectic schedules of our busy everyday lives.
As we frantically race to work, appointments, and getting our kids to school is a mission sometimes it’s a wonder how we as human beings accomplish all this for 365 days in a year.
I am sure many of you would agree that it takes a lot of juggling to get through some of our hectic schedules which is why in many of our lives, I’m sure we have encountered episodes in our lives where we had to pause and take that breath.
Managing our relationships with our spouses, children, and friends, and making time for everyone can be pretty challenging so what do you do when you encounter the problem of a friend avoiding you?
Perhaps you weren’t attentive or you weren’t present enough to realize that things were turning sour.
It can be stressful and scary to think that your friend may not want anything to do with you.
What’s worse is not knowing the real reason for why they’re avoiding you.
In this article, I’m going to share a full list of reasons why your friend is avoiding you as well as solutions that can help you to deal with the problem.
You need to read this article: How to deal with a friend who is ignoring you
Reasons Why Your Friend Is Avoiding You
- You have offended them – Firstly, you should think very carefully if you are responsible for this. Have you offended your friend in any way? Did you say or do something rude, mean or insulting?
- Nothing to do with you – There might be a possibility that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your friend could be in a very bad space in his or her life. He or she could be struggling to overcome serious issues and is reluctant to burden you with this.
- Jealousy or envy – The green-eyed monster has surfaced! Jealousy and envy have been a real deal breaker and diminished many long-standing friendships. Could it be that you are at a point in your life where you’re progressing in your work life or personal life and your friend is stagnant?
- Gossiping and backstabbing – These are real issues that could make a friend start avoiding you. Is he or she guilty? Did you perhaps break their confidence and spread a secret to someone else? It’s important that we honor our friends and when we give our word, we should honor that or we risk losing our friends.
- They’ve betrayed you – Cheating with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a major betrayal that could make your friend avoid you like the plague. They’re too much of a coward to face you or they’re riddled with guilt, so, they’re avoiding you.
- You have grown apart – Sometimes, it could be that both of you have grown apart and you don’t enjoy the same things anymore.
You need to read this: How to know when a friendship is over
How To Deal With A Friend Who Is Avoiding You
I would think it is crucial that you communicate with your friend. Take that first step, reach out and call him or her up.
Invite your friend to a lunch date or a sizzling cup of afternoon coffee.
In a neutral, nonconfrontational manner, ask what the problem is.
Be patient and listen carefully, be attentive.
Also, be sure that your tone of voice is non-argumentative.
Do not be critical of your friend at what she may tell you. People who are in a bad space are sometimes super sensitive.
It is imperative that you be nonjudgmental, this would help your friend be truthful and express what the problem is.
If you’ve told them that you are not the problem, that he or she is struggling with a personal problem, then once again I advise you to listen carefully, be supportive and offer suitable solutions to his or her problems.
Remember that a friend in need who takes the time to tell you the problem will feel relief that you took the time to find out about him or her.
It reassures the person that you care for them.
This time of support would only strengthen the friendship.
This would solve the distance in some cases.
In the case of where your friend tells you, yes, that you are the problem and you have done a particular thing to offend and hurt them, then it becomes important for you to be honest.
Assess the situation, and if you find that he or she is telling the truth, then be sincere in your apology. Explain to him or her what you meant and I’m sure your sincerity would solve the friendship.
A real apology will require you to take full accountability for your actions, acknowledge the consequences and don’t make unnecessary excuses.
Be sure to also give your friend lots of space to accept all that has happened. He or she would appreciate your consideration in the long run.
Check in from time to time and take things one day at a time.
You need to read this article: What to do when your friend won’t respond
Jealousy and envy
Remember as human beings it’s possible that many of us have experienced these ugly emotions at some point in our lives but the determining factor of this is if we act on them.
It is natural to feel this when you see a friend make progress in any walk of their life but if we find it in ourselves to be happy for our friends, we can overcome these toxic emotions.
If your friend tells you that they feel these two emotions, then instead of becoming bitter and angry, try to be mature and reassure your friend in ways that would make him or her feel less insecure.
This mature approach could save the friendship.
Remember the fact that this person came forward means that they value you and your friendship.
You need to read this article: Why is my best friend so jealous of me?
Gossiping and backstabbing
If your friend is guilty of this, then the ball is in your court.
You get to decide if you forgive and give the friendship a second chance, but if you feel that you cannot move past the pain and hurt then its time to walk away from the friendship and accept that you have a trust issue with the person.
Similarly, if you were caught gossiping and backstabbing your friend, then, you need to take accountability for this.
Trust has been broken and you’ve hurt them.
You’ll have to work on this toxic behavior while trying to make amends with your friend. In time, trust can be rebuilt but you have to remain consistent and honest from this point onward.
Cheating with your partner
If your friend drops the bombshell that he or she has cheated and betrayed you, he or she is avoiding you due to guilt, then the reality is that you have probably received a shock.
Only you as an individual will know if you would be able to accept someone like this as a friend.
Most of the time people will walk away from betrayal like this for their own sanity. The rare few might not.
In my opinion, there’s no point in remaining friends with someone who betrayed you in such a terrible manner.
Friendships require undying trust.
This friend clearly lacks integrity and you have a responsibility to yourself to remove such people from your life.
It won’t be easy.
Letting go of people who you care about is never easy.
But, if you can’t trust them, then it’s the only thing you can do.
By this, I mean sometimes people drift apart.
There isn’t always a logical reason for this however this happens because people are constantly changing.
Let’s face it, it’s possible that you don’t enjoy the same things anymore.
There’s a lack of interest in each other’s hobbies and this could lead to a friendship growing apart.
It’s not impossible for the two of you to grow closer in time.
Try reaching out and taking the initiative to re-establish a connection.
Perhaps, take up a hobby that your friend is into and connect over something like that.
It could help to rebuild rapport and the enjoyment of being friends.
You need to read this article: How to know if your friend is mad at you
Each and every on of us is unique. Human beings are complex and complicated.
Sometimes we’re similar in our likes and dislikes, other times not and it’s these differences that make our friendships interesting.
Some of us are attracted to friendships that are high energy whilst some of us crave quieter energy individuals to become best friends with.
There is no right or wrong. If you do your very best in your friendships in life, remember you will spread joy in your friendships.
If people avoid you in spite of you giving it your best shot, then its time move on.
Life is beautiful, its what we make of it, toxic people ooze negativity.
If you’ve given it your all, you’ve fulfilled your responsibility in that friendship and if your friend is still evasive, then its time to bid them Adieu!
All these points are key to a lasting friendship, so friends show utmost respect to your friends.
Respect boundaries, build self esteem and strive to be the best possible friend you can be.
Please share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comment section below.